July 26, 2012 안녕 Tids and Bits: International Edition!
Yes indeed, the Tids and Bits that some/many/most had hoped/prayed/begged would never be sent out again… is back. Yep, it is.
So go ahead and pick your comparative miraculous metaphor to explain this glorious moment:
- Maybe it’s like Lazarus rising from the dead?
- Or maybe it’s like a BYU co-ed who is not engaged and/or married by the end of her first semester?
- Or goodness, maybe it’s even like the Ute men’s basketball team winning 7 games next season after their 6-25 “performance” this past season? (Okay, a bit premature, but we are talking miracles at the moment.)
Regardless, it’s your lucky and miraculous day indeed.
And contrary to the many rumors you’ve all been tweeting since your author abruptly vanished in February, let me set the record sorta straight:
- I did not “got quit.”
- I have not been a soldier of fortune in an unnamed Middle East country where some “stuff” recently “went down.”
- Nor did the Romney for President campaign send me underground so that I could be vetted for VP just to get even with a certain executive director at the ULCT who seemingly remains the only person in Deseret who does not adore handsome Mittens.
Fortunately, the truth is not so lurid, but still somewhat sensational nonetheless. I’ve relocated to a large city in northeast Asia where I’ve just opened the ULCT’s first branch office. Why? Well, um, because all the smart people are saying that Asia is the happening place in the world at the moment, and they have lots of cities and towns here too. Even the U.S. State Department thinks this is a happening place, although they don’t quite say it that way. And if you’ve been around the ULCT for a spell you know that our partnership with the State Department is long and deep and together we only want what’s best for Utah’s 245 cities and towns.
And so here I am sitting in the ULCT’s first foreign branch office–a veritable foreign correspondent–once again ready to share relevant news you can use…or simply discard by pressing your delete key.
And finally, here are your Tids and Bits!
ULCT’s 105th Annual Conference,
September 12-14, in Salt Lake City
Yes, of course it’s going to take place, and if I don’t say so myself the program is looking mighty nice, even from all the way over here in the Orient! Here are some of the highlights I was able to decrypt in the most recent secure cable from the ULCT mother ship:
- Lots of relevant workshops; more than I care to count at the moment, but I’d guess close to 213. Well, maybe not that many.
- Another rocking line-up of keynote speakers. Wednesday’s opening keynote is none other than the renowned political commentator, ruminator and ABC resident curmudgeon, Mr. George Will.
- Food, served at the typical times, and often in between.
- Wednesday pre-conference workshop with Larry Johnson (No, I’ve not heard of him either, but you could probably Google him; but he’s rumored to be funny and relevant.).
- Another keynote speech from a 3-Star General dude who made his name from post hurricane Katrina cleanup and is still making hay from it all these years later!
- Indoor plumbing, just like last year.
- Mobile workshops for those who need to get away from their getaway.
- An evening at the totally super cool Natural History Museum of Utah.
- Triple scoop Cougar Cones for all!
- Rip roaring laughs on Friday night with the inimitable impressionist and comedian Mr. Frank Caliendo.
- Free water, just like last year.
- And that’s not all–but it’s all that I can think of for now.
And don’t fret because more information about the agenda and how you can register for this annual soiree will be forthcoming soon…any day now. In fact you might already have received it via email and you’re thinking my version of events does not jive with the official conference propaganda and now you’re totally confused. If so, just register and put your faith in us, like you always have.
Oh, and don’t forget and tell your local city hall beat reporter (Hah! As if such a thing even exists anymore!) that you’ll be at very important city-related soiree in the big city September 12-14, and they can relax because unlike most weeks there will be no improperly closed meetings held at city hall during that time!
(Oh oh, oh, and any any mistakes in this missive, including goofy formatting or misspellings, are entirely the fault of this foreign keyboard i’m using, or at least telling you that I am.)